June - 2010

Dear Friend,

I’ll be facilitating another professional training in Relational Mindfulness at the Jean Baker Miller Training Institute at Wellesley College in June.  This intensive institute is for experienced practitioners of Relational-Cultural Theory (RCT) – and I hope to see some of you there!  For information, go to http://www.jbmti.org/content/view/1776/ .

This Institute is typically held around the time of the summer solstice.   The wonder of the natural world has been the source of wisdom throughout the ages.  Wisdom traditions from around the world view each solstice as a sacred time, when the apparent movement of the Sun's path north or south comes to a stop before reversing direction.  Some wisdom traditions view the week surrounding the solstices as times of such intense energetic alignment on earth  that great power for healing and purification is present to cleanse us of negative energy. The Druids’ celebration of summer solstice as the “wedding of Heaven and Earth” underlies our present day belief in the auspicious nature of a June wedding.

I visualize the solstice as the pause between the in-breath and out-breath of our living earth – repeating the cycle of fullness at the summer solstice and emptiness at the winter solstice. These words evoke an image which expresses, for me, the wisdom inherent in this aspect of the natural world.  In this issue, I explore wisdom and the ways we search for, hold, and express it in words.

The purpose of this newsletter is to share with you simple and effective tools for personal, spiritual and professional growth.  I have used these tools in my own life, so I know their power as well as their challenges.  I have also utilized them in more than thirty years of professional work with others as a life coach, educator and psychotherapist.  I offer them to you to try, adapt, and practice as methods to nurture your own growth.

Please send this issue to any friends who might be interested.  Also, I would welcome your thoughts or comments on this newsletter.  Have a great month!

Warmly,

Natalie

Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com

P.S.  Interested in some support in clarifying your purpose or taking action on your purpose?  Contact me for a complimentary coaching call to explore whether coaching could help you reach your goals! 

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference..”

~ Reinhold Niebuhr

Generally believed to have been written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr for a sermon in the 1930’s, this wise prayer was circulated by various church groups and sent with US armed services chaplains ministering to the troops during World War II.  It became more widely distributed by Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs which continue offering its wisdom to this day.

I find this prayer – these “words of wisdom” - useful in my daily life.  It applies to all kinds of situations, from parenting, to responding to world affairs, to helping others understand themselves and their relationships. For me, it speaks eloquently to several of the human challenges and uncertainties we face every day.

I want to note that it is not always words that hold wisdom for us.  There are other wisdom holders and traditions that may be useful if words are not your medium.  Our own body can hold wisdom, as can sound, certain places, the visual arts, and particular rituals. Words are very central to my life and work, so it is here that I have focused to speak of wisdom.

Serenity to Accept what I cannot change

Radical acceptance, wise words used by Tara Brach in her book of that title, expresses for me how “out of the ordinary” it is to sincerely accept what is true in the moment.  Acceptance is not defeat, nor resignation, nor loss of options.  In fact, true acceptance generates energy and possibility for action. Whether we seek driving directions or spiritual direction, it is accepting that we are lost that must come before we can truly ask for or open ourselves to help. With the loss of a job, a relationship, or our health or bodily function, it is the acceptance of our vulnerability that allows us to move through our grief and begin to heal. It is the acceptance of our privilege and abundance that allows us to feel gratitude and to express true generosity in the world.

The Courage to Change what I can

Courage is all about our response to our worries, fears, or doubt. “Fear and courage are brothers” says a wise old proverb. Courage is not the absence of fear, for without fear, there can be no courage.  We can act without fear, but that is not courageous.  We do that in our lives every day.  But courage comes from acting despite our fears, moving forward despite our uncertainty of what lies ahead.

Courage comes in valiant public acts in times of crisis, but also in private, minute decisions and actions. For me, it can be an act of courage to sit down to meditate, or to speak my truth to power, or to write from the heart. I know this from watching myself avoid these actions – finding immensely creative ways to do anything else than what I have determined to do – and acting instead from my fears. We cannot be courageous all the time, and we cannot live out our dreams and values without acting with courage.

When I accept my fear, and act despite that fear, I taste courage. And with courage I discover that it’s not hard to find things that I can change for the better – they surround me and dwell within me.  I can simply smile, listen with greater attention, lend a hand in all manner of activities, and step into roles that I know I am uniquely suited to fill – despite my fears. I can take initiative to move forward on those paths I have long kept in a dark corner of my mind for fear of action…

Wisdom to Know the Difference

The beauty of this prayer is in defining wisdom as the capacity to discern what can be changed from what cannot.  It is wisdom to know when to speak and when to keep silent, when to rush forward with courage and when to refrain from action and accept the conditions of the moment.   Such wisdom is dynamic – not a fixed truth that can spell out how to respond in any given situation.  Life is too nuanced and layered to be that simple.

Wisdom is derived from reflection upon lived experience. It is a kind of knowing that is a blend of personal history, accumulated knowledge, acceptance, courage, and compassion. It is not merely based in knowledge - although it is nourished by scholarship and reflection on life, particularly from the risks we take and the mistakes we make. Wisdom involves the heart as well as the mind – learning that comes through suffering and love, as well as through analytical study and understanding.

The Dalai Lama has simplified his philosophy and approach to life with the words, “My religion is kindness.” Yes, to nurture compassion within and to act with kindness is a wise guiding light.  Yet what is kindness in a given situation – to each of the beings involved, including yourself?  This is not always so clear.  To practice kindness, and to know how to access kindness in your own heart, is a huge step forward in the ability to act with wisdom – but it is the discernment in the moment that determines what you can and cannot change, and what action (or lack of action) may be the kindest and wisest ones in the moment.

God Grant Me

These words are perhaps the most salient, no matter how you interpret the word “God”. To me, this prayer begins and ends with an understanding of the dynamic complexity of life, and the necessity of opening to something greater than ourselves to gain the insight to respond wisely to life’s constant challenges. We do not, cannot, act wisely all by ourselves.  It is in the recognition of how we are part of something larger that wisdom is generated.  I think of this as an invisible, but powerful, interconnected web that we all are embedded in. Thich Nhat Hanh has used the word “Interbeing” to describe this reality.

Your Words of Wisdom

What is your response to this prayer? How would you change it to be more meaningful to you? What are other words of wisdom that you find yourself recalling in times that challenge you in some way?  Identifying the words of wisdom that speak to you is in itself an act of insight, for it requires you to connect words on a page to the inner quickening that lets you know “this is meaningful to me!”

~  Action On Purpose Challenge  ~

1.  Identify a phrase, poem, or saying that you relate to as “words of wisdom” – words that remind you of what is important and provide some kind of guidance in times of uncertainty.

2.  Reflect on the words you have selected to gain a deeper understanding ofthe meaning they hold for you.

3.  Post these words of wisdom in a place you will see them often – a promptto feed your own wisdom tradition.

“The highest form of wisdom is kindness.”

~ The Talmud

~  In the News  ~

Clarifying Purpose – I will be leading a day-long workshop in Western Massachusetts this fall.  It will be focused on Clarifying Purpose and filled with exercises and tools for Taking Action on Purpose.  Details of the date and location will be available soon.

Next Steps - Want to get going on a plan for the kind of life you want to lead in the future? Contact me for a complimentary coaching call to explore whether coaching could help you reach your goals!  Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com  For a great list of readings and resources, go here

Care to Comment?  Have a comment about Natalie's coaching, facilitating, speaking or writings?  If so, please send them to Testimonials@EldridgeWorks.com.  We gratefully welcome your comments.

At www.EldridgeWorks.com, my virtual professional home, you will find information about coaching and psychotherapy services, as well as more about me.  I would love to hear from you about the website, or the Action on Purpose newsletter.  Contact me at Natalie@EldridgeWorks.com.